How fashion affects just about everything.....

Hey all,

I just got back from London!
Well okay I got back at 11:30pm on Sunday 28th June 2009 but I haven't had time to post lol.

Anyway here's the thing guys, what does fashion have to do with anything that is with the self-improvement side of things?

Simply put.....EVERYTHING!!!

Have you guys ever been speaking to someone and they seem a little interested but not all that interested? But you barreled through and thought they were interested?

Well I had this little episode happen to me quite recently.

Pretty much what happened, while I was away at the traffic generation seminar in London, will give you more info in the P.S. While I was there I approached some people and spoke to them casually and they just seemed a little off with me. I was in a black shirt and quite dressed.

So I totally got a negative outcome to what I wanted. On my way back home to Leicester on Sunday I saw the same people, now I gathered they had forgotten me and I Was in my more casual gear of a fuchsia pink t-shirt and some black jeans. So I ended up approaching these people and they were so much more receptive.

I remember reading a while ago on how fashion was one of the ways humans size each other up.

So how you dress really does matter!

Remember people are visualistic(tm) creatures. So we judge from a looks point of view.

Hope this helps!

Adil

P.S. Learn to achieve goals quickly, click here

how to overcome fears using the EGO

Hola All!

Hope you have had a good few days, It's been beautifully hot over in the UK lately.

Anyway I thought to write this blog post up because I had to think of a great way to structure it.

BUT before I go into this post, I want you guys to know if you speak to your ego it helps. I went to a theme park last Friday and those that know me, know I have an immense fear of heights. And my friend decided, "Let's go on all the scary rides to scare the sh*t out of Adil."

I agreed and all the way through the queue I kept telling him how much I hated him for this, he said,
"Dude I was like that but don't worry you will be fine, you'll love me later."

Funnily, I did love the rides and it made me think, if we do things we initially hate, we learn to love them over time, which is pretty cool. Anywho we went on this ride called, Oblivion. Now this is a straight drop, meaning you go up to the highest point. Look over the edge and down at the ground, and are dropped through the roller coaster. I nearly soiled myself, then I told my ego, "Don't be afraid, you aren't going to die." - remember the Ego is a self-preservation mechanism.
Went through with it and conquered my fear of heights...yay for me, zippedy doo da :-).

Now time for the good stuff. :-p

If you noticed I told my ego it wasn't going to die?
Doing so tells my ego to relax and not be all weirded out and scared, thus giving me the strength to actually go ahead and accomplish what I wanted to do, get over my fear of heights.


So How can you apply this simple technique?

Well next time you're scared, if it's to purchase anything or if it's to go out somewhere, to go swimming, skating, surfing, jogging, to the gym, or anywhere positive. Just say to yourself,
"What is it about this that scares me?"

Once you have your answer follow up with telling yourself,
"Hey Ego (you can name yours if you want, no I haven't named mine....yet :p), don't worry we aren't going to die, we are going to be fine."

This is even with approaching a prospect, someone you're interested in dating, anything really.

So just doing those 2 things will help you in fact kick butt at kicking your fears butts!

best wishes,

Adil.

P.S. I am away from Thursday - Monday, If I can I will post on the events :).

6 Needs of the Ego.....4,5 and 6

Hey guys,

Okay so far we have covered the first 3 of the 6 needs of the Ego.

Just to recap they are:

1) The Need to know.
2) The Need to be right.
3) The Need to judge.
4) The Need to justify.
5) The Need to get even.
6) The Need to look good.

These are pretty easy and basic needs to describe.

So Need number 4.. The need to Justify.

Have you ever done something so random and then immediately either justified it to yourself or to others. I'll give two cases.

1) You have the woman/man who is in an abusive relationship.
Just a little crowd participation please...
What is the logical thing to do if you are in an abused relationship?

That's right: LEAVE it and move on.

But people don't, those that know me know that I have experienced this first hand, well sort of, meaning I came from a bit of a unstable "environment". Anywho this led me to ask people, family members and those I knew who had gone through domestic violence, "Why did you wait so long to leave?" or "Why are you still there?".

The answer I got on average was because, "I love them". Now there is a reason that has to do with the attraction and dating process but that is for another time.

Or they will generally say, "So the kids have a parent around", etc. They will try to justify there ways of living because this blends into the need to be right. They do not want to be told, "You're wrong for living this way."

Now the good case example.

Imagine you are out shopping and you see a pack of crisps/potato chips. And the first you think is,
"Hmmm I want them, but I shouldn't get them"....Then you are at the check out getting them.

In your head you are possibly thinking, "OOH, this is going to ruin my figure, but it's only one pack, I will be fine."

Can you see the justification process? "It's only one pack, I will be fine."

But we all know because, I'm very guilty of this and some people are as well, maybe you to, where you say it's just one then it turns into more and more.

So you can see the need of justification.

Need number 5 is the Need to get even.

This is very self-explanatory, if you have ever been wronged by anyone you generally want to take some very mean action and sometimes you do then you go and justify it, about how it was a right move to do..

So do you see the needs all interlink with one another?

Okay onward and upward to the last one then I will share how some people are dealing with these needs and making them work in there favors.

The need to look good.

You always want to dress well and show a good face, or lead with the good foot.
The reason is because our minds hardwiring says we have to be as presentable as possible so we can mix with the people around us and not be the oddball out the group etc, this is were conformity comes in. Again another subject for another post.


All righty then, how to work with all the needs and keep them from destroying you, many of you who will read this might say, "oh so now I have to really monitor myself." Truth is you don't have to, all you really need to do is start off by conditioning your mind slowly into this habit of using the good things of the ego.

The need to be right can be curbed by the wanting to be accepted, this is done by being kind instead of being right. Which helps in a lot of cases, there is also forgiving yourself and others because, when you forgive you are giving up that cause and problem.


BUT this one little gem is something that has helped me in very aspect of life and I am sure it will help you. If you started viewing the earth and yourself from the spiritual plane, so you were way way wayyyyy up in space...Do you think the problems you face today are big? No way because you are bigger then them. So if you do this, it really takes away a lot of overwhelm.

Also just one last note, The art of focusing can be summed up to this next sentance,
"Focus is looking at the details but not forgetting there is a bigger picture, overwhelm happens when you take your eye off the bigger picture."

Best wishes,

Adil

P.S. This tool helped me influence my mind a lot. Check it out here

6 Needs of the Ego.....1,2 and 3

Okay so we have discussed what the ego is and isn't.

So here are the 6 basic needs of everyone's ego. And these are universal.

1) The Need to know.
2) The Need to be right.
3) The Need to judge.
4) The Need to justify.
5) The Need to get even.
6) The Need to look good.

Before we begin, I want you to know, though your ego is a defense and self-preservation mechanism, remember if you give it to much power it will be in control and you may turn in to a complete ass.

Okay so let's begin with the first 3.

1) The Need to Know.

We covered some of this in the last post about the Super Ego and your I.D (Interests and Desires).

The ego does want to know everything, that's why some people are prone to gossip, while others spend all there free time consumed in studies. It's a part of our nature. If you were really into something, fashion, a role model, a historic figure, sport, sports star, etc. What ever it is, if I were to sit and start a conversation with you and all I did was use prods of conversation, such as,
"Tell me more..." Though I would be genuinely interested, I could just shut up and let you talk and guaranteed you will end up telling me everything about that subject you're interested in, because your ego has to know everything.

A thought to this is because your ego wants to know everything on the basis that it can calculated the next possible and best decision you can make to better your situation and to ensure your survival. Remember the Ego is a self-preservation mechanism.

Sometimes we don't know the answer and what our ego does is provoke a knee jerk reaction that has become known as lying and/or making stuff up. We go ahead and do this and the worst thing happens, we start to live it.

Famous Comedian Chris Rock says it best,
"We lie so much its damn near a language, we lie so much we live complete lies at times". Now this is a paraphrase on what Chris actually said.
But it stands as a truth for the most part and proves my point.

Another quick thing to let you know about the Ego, it is a Drama Producing Machine.
If you are living a life of no drama in it, you will quickly find yourself watching a soap opera, the reason is because your ego finds drama exciting. "Will this happen or not?" , "Who killed who?", "Will my favorite cartoon character beat this bad guy?", etc. Do you see the drama? The ego loves it because it makes it feel alive, and if it has drama in its live and then suddenly it goes away, you will quickly find new dramas in your life or you will be in front of the TV watching a soap opera.

(SIDE NOTE)...Soap opera's are highly successful because of this one factor, they know drama drives the Ego and so they put it on so your ego can have a "nice" tall refreshing glass of drama.

Alright onward to Need Number 2..
The Need to be Right.

This is relatively short. So here goes,

Did you know most people would rather be right then Rich? Yet they constantly moan about how broke they are? Well it's true people generally would be right then rich, by this I mean to say,

Imagine for a moment, if you were in an argument with a client trying to sell a house. Now you know this house is right for them, you know the price is perfect and you know if you land this house you get a raise and you will get rich. Now you are arguing about something very random that isn't all that important. Here's how it usually plays out.

You: "Is there any problems, Sir/Madam?"

Them: "Yes, I love this house but I think the electronic switches are too far away."

You: Offer suggestion, followed by smile.

Them: Being Rude....Arguments begin.

[20 mins later]

Them: "That's it we are leaving and not buying this house."


What happened? Well your ego tried to get you to be right trying to point out that your solution was correct, and they weren't thinking incorrectly. So it fought with them because your ego thought, "If I lose, I will die." Remember it is a survival mechanism so it thinks everything and everyone is trying to kill you.

You argued lost the house deal and then bam you missed your shot at being rich there and then.

Dealing with this is pretty cool, all you have to do instead is agree with the person, don't argue and just be polite. Remember you can't control anyone, you can only influence them. So be polite and if they argue, just say something nice or nothing at all. Don't be to attached and let things be.



Onwards to the final of the 3 today:

The need to judge.

So we all have this need to judge things, people, places and so on and so forth. The reasoning behind it is so you know what is friendly and safe and what is deadly and harmful. Again a survival mechanism.

Other times it could be out of jealousy because someone is right and you are wrong, and then you feel like you need to judge there work.

Our perceptions of the world determine our judgments of people, whether they are good thoughts or bad ones. For instance, if you saw the most beautiful male/female in the world walk in front of you with there friends, one of two things will pop into your brain..

1) This person is popular and let's befriend them, I am sure they are nice.

2) This person is popular, they're probably mean and will try to kill you, run away and hide now.

The best way to curb this, is to speak to the ego and assure it that the judgment you have passed is not entirely true, and there is no way you can die by saying the words, "Hello and how are you?" to a person. Unless the assessment is this person has a gun and doesn't like me and I could get shot, then you want to listen to your ego and probably run hehe.

So if your perceptions of the world are good and you constantly look for good you will, usually by default, end up judging things as, "This is going to be fun."

I hope this helps I will continue with the next part of this soon enough.

Best wishes,

Adil

What is the Ego

Hey guys,

This is the first of 3 posts on understanding the Ego, because many people have a misconception of the Ego.

Now this is a bit of a touchy subject because some people may moan about it, but truth is. This is from Jerry "DRhino" Clark's work as well as my own personal experience as well as some naturally very confident people, etc. I spoke to a lot of people about this before writing this post.

So here goes...

Firstly what is Ego?

Some would say, "Ego is arrogance, its a bad thing, it's Edging God Out, etc"....so pretty much negative.

Others would say, "The Ego is just awesome, makes me believe in me, it helps me out and when I am in flow with my ego I totally kick butt at what I do and keeps me confident."

.....This is a view of the winners. They see the ego as a positive thing.

And the 3rd set of people say,
"The Ego is a self-preservation mechanism in your body that holds your beliefs. If you have held beliefs of confidence, joy and being great, then your ego plays them out to you. If you believe it is a bad thing and believe little of yourself, your ego makes you feel bad. You can never get rid of the Ego because it to has its own preservation in mind."

Believe it or not, number 3 is a scientific way of putting of it and yes they are the most right of the 3, number 2 was a second close and number 1, well that's just daft and anyone who thinks that way is doomed to have a very unconfident life....That's mean but it's a truth.

Now the good news, you can over come that original objection and work with the ego.

So lets delve deeper into what the Ego is and isn't.

So as you know the Ego is the self-preservation mechanism in your body that keeps your beliefs, some useful still to this day, some very harmful, to networkers and conversationalists, the "Don't talk to strangers" rule goes out the window because you know everyone is a stranger. Today people who don't have that rule in there mind go on to make new friendships with people who help them and become best friends....

Side note, think about it, your best friend, partner, circle of friends, boss, manager, co-workers, etc were all strangers at one point.

Another thing the Ego is, is a middle ground and this was a little shocking to me when I learned about it.
So you have:

SUPER EGO - This is societies programming of you, MOSTLY Lack mentality, sometimes completely LACK mentality.


EGO


Your wants and desires - This is what you would want in your life, etc.


Now the ego is in the middle, It has to please society because it doesn't want you getting hurt by being different (though this is a good thing to be different). But it doesn't want you to abandon your values, needs, wants and desires.

Judging on how you think of yourself your ego works to which is more dominant, society or your wants and desires. So that is what the Ego is.

Having a Big Healthy Ego is one of the best things to have, because it shows you have belief in yourself which is a natural trait of a leader. But the cool thing is, you don't have to do it alone, that is when your ego gets in your way, when you want to do everything ALONE, the best thing I learned is always have someone to ask for help. This keeps your feelings and Ego in check, because you're letting other people help you out.

What the Ego isn't

The Ego is NOT an excuse to be a total ass to people, in fact the ego is meant to make you confident enough to do things others won't so you can go ahead and empower people through it by uplifting there spirits.

The ego isn't an evil thing at all its just a part of you that you have to come to terms with.

Different Sizes of EGO.

Okay so we know what an ego is, what an ego isn't so what about Size?
We briefly said a big healthy ego is great, but having a small ego is the worst thing.

Permit me to explain:

Someone with a big ego is someone who has belief in themselves.
At a party or meeting, there's these sorts of people, there's the dominant guy, massive ego and definitely loving everything. The party animal, big ego, loves people and loves having a great time. The quiet shy person, believe it or not they can have a big ego as well. They maybe the person who is looking after the people throwing up or generally doing all the cleaning etc.
Even the analytical people have a lot of fun and stuff.

The same sort of people can be at the same party and be the biggest drag downs ever and cause total boredom.

This is all down to ego. You see the second group of people have small egos and thus need constant self and social validation, meaning they will constantly say they've done "xyz", they are very shy to talk to new people and when they do, they often ask themselves, later on this is, if they made a good impression and think about what they other person thinks of them, etc.

The first group are self and social validated, meaning they only are there to enjoy themselves and give as much fun to other people as possible and because they are having so much fun together, the social group will accept this person. They don't speak to much about how great they are, or if they do, it's all in humor. Or because they were asked to speak on it. These people don't ask themselves if everyone liked them, rather they asked, "When can we all meet up and do this again, because it was a really fun time?"

Best wishes,

Adil

P.S. Look out for the second part of this posting :)

The Buddy System

Okay you are really lucky to actually have me share this technique with you, because this is my pride and joy. This one technique, is what I would say played the biggest part of me over coming my social anxiety and fear of people when I was 15. This is a technique used to build friendships quickly.

I had no idea I was using this at all until I decided to study myself and also to check out what made people like me, dislike me and where the psychology behind it came from.

This technique is originally taken from women, then transformed into something for men to use and ultimately is something different.

As I'm pretty sure, all women know of the buddy system right? For the men and possibly few women that don't know the Buddy System, it's when a woman goes anywhere, especially the toilet, they have to take a girl friend, friend who is a girl, to the toilet with them. There are so many reasons why but lets not divulge into them.


“So does this mean, if I'm a man, I have to take my best bud into the toilets with me?”


No that's not what this is part is about, you see I built my social circle relying heavily on friend introduction. So what this does actually mean is that one of the best ways to get over a social anxiety of meeting people is to get a very social friend, everyone has one of these, and get them to introduce you to their friends.

How is this going to help? Simple, when you are introduced by your friend, you are usually given a very warm opening, meaning in the sense, everyone there isn't threatened by you or feels weirded out by you.

Now from this point you can pretty much start off the conversation, and just get to know about them more so.

Then you can build your social circle and eventually after they gain trust with you, by spending more time with you. You can start recommending small things to them, like a book or something, then build from there.

Best wishes,

Adil

P.S. Click here to see how to influence yourself

How to influence the mind

The two links as promised.

http://manifesteasy.cjb.net/

As I've said before one of the best ways I learned to manifest while relaxing.

But this is something I have recommended to EVERYONE plus there is a kick-butt money back guarantee.
Anyway this does help me a lot in my life and was recommended to me by a lot of friends.

So I recommend it to you, Click here

How you look really matters

Hey guys,

How you look really matters, when it comes to meeting people.

The way you look will be a HUGE determining factor for people to either do business with you or they just don't. Speak to you nicely or in a tone that says, "I don't want you near me."

We, as humans in general, are very visual beings. So this means we perceive things through how we see them and judge them from there.

Research and development people in companies actually design the box or container of the product before they make a product. Having the experience of working in an assembly line I can assure you that they do put a lot of work into how things look.

"Okay so what does the whole packaging thing have to do with me?" As always, EVERYTHING.

This is pretty much going to be the first of a few series of posts I am going to be doing leading up to the launch of an ebook collection series....But more on that another time.

Okay so here goes, The way you look when you go out is what makes people think things of you and surprisingly now a days, how you dress also affects how you feel. Which in my opinion, Sucks Royally.

So here is some quick tips on how to battle this little monster.

Learn how to groom yourself, like majorly groom yourself daily, make sure you look great, your hair is done the right way, your breath doesn't smell, your face hasn't been moisturized or something.

You want to also pick someone to model after, just check out a magazine and start to model that persons style. This will really help you out. If you don't have the clothes, donate your large clothes and go out with a friend and get some fitted clothing.

I won't lie to you, I did this in my casual personal life, I went out and bought, what is now y favorite t-shirt, a fuchsia pink t-shirt. Prior to buying it all my tops where either large or extra large. I changed to wear medium tops (that fit me) and even a small top, that was a bit too tight. But when I did and combined it with grooming and few other little things I learned, I started having people approach and talk to me, some for business, some to be friends, some just to have a conversation with me.

Anyway next up on the things to help you look better, if you feel your hair isn't working just go see a hair stylist and ask what would look good on you. Then go from there.

Take a trusty friend with you, preferably female or an Italian. . . both have great fashion sense. By the way I mean Italian male or female.

Best wishes,

Adil

p.s. click here for my goals ebook