How to be the center of attention.... Part 4!

Rightyo!

Today's blog is going to be a little like a Philly cheese steak with the extra's, it's gonna have a little bit of everything on it... Have I ever had a Philly Cheese Steak, well no but I like the saying.

Today I am going to give you some really great info, followed up with a request and finally a big happy smiling portion of a preview of my next post titled, "3 Big Secrets to getting anything you want from life and people." Well okay I couldn't remember the title i had in mind, all I remember it was good content lol.

Okay so onto the last 2 of the 6 ways of being the center of attention.

Let's recap, shall we :-)

Okay so we have covered:

Reducing Your Social Anxiety
Being Self Amused
Smiling
Being interested and interesting

And today we will cover, giving them more value then they had before you joined them and when leaving say goodbye to all and hug them.

So why is giving more value to people important, how does this help you, and what long term benefits come from this?

Well let's have a look at it this way, if the group is having a boring, droll and not so fun conversation, and you enter with this value of giving fun, interesting topics of empowering them and yourself, you have given value.

Now the person who gives value to others is usually seen as the one with highest value, so the people's attention is turned to you. This plays well when you give interest in other people and follow up with interesting topics of conversation (See this is the mashing up of all 6 points here :P)....

How does being seen as the person with highest value help you?

Truly amazingly because when you give value, and people see you as a high value person, they have an instant natural urge to like you, so this helps in you being able to get the information you want later to keep in touch.

Imagine for a moment, two separate scenario's.

Scenario 1: A person you don't know just enters your group/A friend of a friend enters your group discussion. They make everyone laugh and gives everyone a value of making themselves feel great. At the end of the interaction, they turn to you and say,
"hey it was loads of fun, can I take down your number or something so we can keep in touch and do this again?" With a big warm friendly smile on there face..

Scenario 2: Similar situation with the difference of this person is giving no value, has really bad posture, is interrupting someone who is speaking, trying to change the subject and all out being rude. At the end they ask you for your information, with a sort of glum look on there face.

Who are you going to give your information to?

Exactly it's usually scenario person 1.
The reason is because he gave value, and VALUE BUILDS COMFORT AND RAPPORT!

A great long term benefit of giving great value, is you become known as a person who can help people in a particular thing, plus because you were so friendly and fun, people with your details will usually send you messages asking you to come out.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: Before I got good at meeting people and interacting like it was second nature (I found out later on it was second nature).... I used to be really quiet, and not be able to interact and at age 14+ your focus is mostly on girls, if your a guy... So when I went out with my best friend at the time, DJ and we used to meet all his friends etc, now I had some okay conversations with them, etc.
Wanna guess how many people called me out to hang out with them being the timid guy out the group? Yeah that's right only my friends that truly knew me.

Fast forward to today, without sounding like I am bragging, after understand the rules of how to be the center of attention in a positive way, I now meet people through my friends or randomly and within a few moments, I have made friends with them and they have shared there information with me. I.E. Email addresses/phone numbers, etc.

Now because of giving value, I get phone calls from these people, sometimes before even the friend who introduced us, to meet up. There's also a business aspect of things, you could make connections through business conventions where you meet people whom you might have a product for.

Okay on to the last one today....

When leaving a person or a group give them a hug.

Now there is an importance to why you want to hug, and that is building more comfort with the person. A hug represents being close to someone and is seen as you liking them and them hugging back usually represents them liking you back. This is liking in the sense of they trust you enough for you to touch them.

Again back to the 2 scenario's. Who would you hug, the person who is happy sociable, fun and gives value. Or the person who isn't got much happening?

It's always best to leave with a hug because this also leaves the person with a good last impression of you. People say first impressions are very important, they are. But they seldom talk about the last impression. If you leave a great last impression as well as an okay - great first impression then you have a winning combo to make sure this person, when they share there details with you, is very likely to meet up with you.

Best wishes,

Adil

Follow me on twitter :)

P.S. This is the last part of the Philly Cheese Steak post thing :P.
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How to be the center of attention.... Part 3!

Hey guys,

Okay so far we have covered both:

How to reduce social anxiety AND self-amusement.

Today we're going to be going through the next two points on this post!

Okay so to just to recap the next two are....

Smiling - why its important and how to find your smile....

Be Interesting and Interested - How to be interested and interesting simultaneously and why it's important, etc.

You guys get the gist. Alright so lets get stuck in!

Smiling....

So why is smiling important?

Simple really, because it means, YOU ARE FRIENDLY and not a danger to the person you are speaking to. It also makes you feel great, makes you feel more social as well.

In terms of body language, smiling is perceived as a universal sign of hope, happiness, joy and fun. And if you smile at someone it is usually hard for them not to smile back, unless you caused them some grief or something.

Anyway the way smiling works in your favor in a "Center of attention" moment, is that when you are speaking, if you have this big ol' smile on your face, it is going to be very hard for people not to like you.

Remember about 92% of all communication is non-verbal but is based on body language dominantly followed by vocal tone. So using the smiling tip, you tend to have people just become attracted to this conversation, because as humans we tend to mimic the happiest. So if you smile and are genuinely making people laugh and giggle while adding value, other people will gravitate toward you.

So how do we get our "killer" smile?

Well a little known face about smiling is that it only takes 17 muscles to smile and about 37 to frown. So smile!

You might say, as I did once, "I can't smile I look really bad!"

Well you can change that using a tip I picked up. There are many ways, one of which is pretty rude but it works like a charm, if you want to know what this tip is email me and i will send it you confidentially so I avoid being in trouble.

Okay so here's how you smile greatly,

1) Smile with your eyes. - By using this and smiling so happily, people will say you "light up" and also when smiling with your eyes, its more real and makes you look great as well.

2) Smile with your mouth completely wide and happy. - Don't care what people say, just let that smile go.

Want to know a DIRTY DIRTY SECRET? NO ONE CARES what you actually look like when you smile or if you shower or don't, if you comb your hair or style it. No one actually really overly cares.

Reason is people generally are to self-centered to notice you being out of place.


Now some people say, "I'd rather be interested then interesting because people will like me more".... Let me clear this up for you, this only works 50% of the time which is good but here's the thing, if you are in a group trying to be the center of attention in a good way, here's what you want to do.

Say something interesting, and then be interested to hear people's responses. It's important because if you are just interesting people will look upon you as a, "Know it all" or "A pain in the butt who won't shut up."

Personally I do get told I talk to much, which is true because I am a predominant blue personality type, if you don't know what I mean check through my blog and search "Blue personality type".... Anyway, though I have been known and told I talk to much I have yet to receive a, "You're so irritating when you talk" comment. This is because I have made sure when I speak I am interested in the person and they are interested in me, so when I say something interesting they tend to listen and give there opinions and feedback.

This blends perfectly with self-amusement because when you can be self-amused. you will automatically say something off the cuff and have people respond, usually if you have rapport, which you would have, that's why your in the group. They will respond positively and just smile with you and just follow on.

Okay so I will be back in a few days with another new update on the final 2 parts :). then the big 3 secrets.

Adil

If you aren't following me on twitter, click here

How to be the center of attention.... Part 1!

Hey guys,

Sorry I haven't posted much, I have been busy....
Just a side note I have an up coming launch and if your following me on twitter, you will be one of the first to know about it.

Anyway on to today's subject.

How to be the center of attention without coming off as needy, small ego'd and annoying.

Okay some people I know personally tend to try to be the center of attention and I will be honest, it pisses me off a lot.
They'll do stuff like cut you off half way through a sentence, or interrupt your conversation with someone, etc....

Now there is a way to do this in a friendly manner, this is it to be honest.
Stand there waiting and naturally the party of people will naturally look at you, and when they do and aren't talking, just go ahead and say the thing you wanted to say, if it's relevant, great.
If not then just tell them, "Oh I just wanted to say something but finish up your conversation."

This shows that you honestly care about there conversation and don't want to be rude, winning "points" with them and having them more receptive when you speak.

So let's continue, how to be the center of attention:

If I had to break this down into steps it would be this and I have wrote and spoke on some of these subjects before

1) Reduce Your Social Anxiety

2) Be Self Amused

3) Smile

4) Be interested and interesting

5) Give them more value then they had before you joined them.

6) When leaving say goodbye to all and hug them if possible.

Okay so I will go into some now and some tomorrow and the day after because I don't like to give info overload.......

1) Reduce Your Social Anxiety!

This one is pretty straight forward, the question really is how.

But before that lets quickly recap what S.A is. S.A (Social Anxiety) is a feeling of people judging you, feeling awkward in a social place with other people or things there and/or just feeling a sinking feeling in the gut when next to some people.

This is a very much negative emotional state. Though you can shift it, the keyword here is state, meaning this can be overcome VERY quickly. A person who has low S.A. Is usually classed as more attractive to people, not just in the sense of sexual relationships but in the sense of business relationships, friends and speaking to strangers...

When you have low S.A. you will find a lot of people might stare at you, and because you have low social anxiety, they're more likely to interact positively to you when you speak. The reason is because showing you are not caring of there judgment's, the person subconsciously links you up to be a leader. And people love leaders.

A prime and recent example of this is how I met two lovely people named Hannah and Sandra. I was on my way back from London and thought to start doing my work on the coach. Now Sandra sat across the small aisle from me and Hannah behind her, it was very full. Anyway pretty much I needed some help and the person next to me wouldn't of known the answer because he was asleep.

So I thought, "might as well ask them." So I asked Sandra and Hannah a question and they replied quite normally which was great. Now had I had Social Anxiety, well a lot of it, I would have just waited until I got home and checked and not spoke to them as they are of the opposite gender and that would freak them out. But I thought in the sense of, "Lets ask".

Eventually I did just turn around and speak to them because they seemed fun and we had a great conversation.

So anyway, 1 of the tips I can give you to working on your social anxiety, is speak to sales assistants or the teller at the bank.

Seriously just ask, "how are you today?" Those words are like magic to people because they're shocked because you sincerely mean it and also because most people don't ask.

These people can't be mean to you and if they tease you it just means they are comfortable with you.

So your assignment for this week is to go and speak to sales assistant's and just speak to them and befriend them because that's how you make friends. Eventually you will start feel comfortable and then start speaking to strangers, asking for directions, then start to wait there for 30 seconds and continue a conversation, etc. Build on what you learn.

Okay I will be back soon with more.


Ooh, one last final thing though. Write/Draw out an image of who you want to be, because when you do, act like you were them already, this places a vibe around you that others pick up subconsciously and it really makes things easier.

If you are having trouble with this process, please feel free to email me at adilamarsi@googlemail.com

Bye for now,

Adil

p.s. Please comment and let me know your thoughts